So where did that leave me!? FUCKIN ALONE in my room when I coulda been out doing something else with my friend. Finally I said fuck it and had my brother come get me and I went out with him and his friend.

Of course before he left I was upset since at the time I had nothing to do on a Saturday night. He was mad that when he left I didn’t wanna give him a kiss. Why would I? Fuck that. That was about 5ish. Around 2am he texts me like are you up? You fuckin kiddin me? You wanna text me hours later?! Then have nerve to get mad cuz I’m mad? Psh. His whole thing was ‘I was down there with my frat.’ That would be so much more believable if he rode down there with them though.

He was down there with his bitches. I’m sooo not dumb. I didn’t get an invite or nothing. Suspicious as fuck. Honestly I’m so through with this fraternity sorority shit.

So this morning we planned on getting up a noon to go out to eat breakfast. Right now WordPress says it is 2:21 pm. What am I doing? Typing while he is over there sleeping. I tried getting him up but fuck it I’m no ones mother. He knows I have shit to do today. He even got the chance to redeem himself after yesterday. But nope once again the plans have fallen through.

SMH!

Insight on the second one ladies?

Lately nothing has been going right. I mean in the guy department I have been catching so many mixed feelings. I know once you break up the relationship changes, even if you begin dealing with each other again. For some reason though I feel like if you love that person things will work out. That requires equal effort though. Equal feelings…I don’t feel the same coming from him. I find it hard to believe that you can love someone then lie. To begin talking to new females just days after everything went sour.

I don’t like being such a bitch and being upset all the time. However I always find a reason. This past weekend I found out more about my deployment. My greatest fear now isn’t going over there. It’s that he will go back to all the females he was talking to before. I constantly find myself mad that I even let him get this close…before it was all “We’ll be fine your deployment won’t change anything,” but now he can’t even tell me he loves me? Probably because he doesn’t.

I honestly think that some other girl holds his heart. I want to ask but I can’t bring myself to do it. I really don’t think I can take the answer. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at another man when we broke up. But he was able to look at several. New females and old females he used to deal with. ONE even being my cousin. I can’t lie this shit hurts and I’m so tired of feeling less than. The easy answer that most females would say is ‘just leave him alone then’ but you see if you were in the same situation it’s much harder than that. Anyone who has been in a serious relationship knows this. When there are FEELINGS involved it is that much harder to let go.

What hurts more is that I’ve seen the pictures of the women. Long hair, big boobs etc. Neither of which I have.

I hate the fact that he tries to hide shit. I hate that fact he is friends with that one female. I don’t know her BUT I do know he asked her for sexual pictures. Then all of the sudden after we break up they are best friends? I told him one day that I could deal with it. He didn’t wanna choose between me and her. Quite frankly that hurts. You call yourself loving me but one of the things that makes me insecure you won’t get rid of? But fine. Me being dumb I said that he won’t have to choose I’ll just accept it. According to him she knows why we broke up. She just doesn’t know that it was specifically her.

I haven’t said anything further on that matter. Really I’ve just been bottling things up inside. It’s making me sick to do this. I’ve NEVER bit my tongue but here I am doing everything I said I would never do.

This shit sucks.

AND IT NEVER FUCKIN FAILS. I guess the no more lies promise, was just ANOTHER lie. SMH

In other news I saw my midterm grades….I’m quite pleased actually. Lol I mean last semester I didn’t do shit. I mean I didn’t do NOT A DAMN THANG and my grades reflected that. But this semester I buckled down and actually tried. Anywho here they are:

• Chem-C+
• Computer- B+
• Middle Eastern History-B
• Psych-A
• Acting-B+

So yea it’s safe to say I’m happy with them AND if I maintain them it’s enough to get my smart dumb ass off of academic probation.

Random thought: Idk why I thought I could do it. Meh

I jailbroke my iPhone 3G running on 3.1.2 firmware today. I’m soooo geeked. If any of you don’t know how just go to www.blackra1n.com and download the software. It’s pretty self explanatory and only takes about 45 sec. If you don’t know, jailbreaking allows you to download software other than what’s in the app store. And for those without the 3GS you can also get video on it. Special thanks to geohot for making the program, I was so sad when I accidentally upgraded and lost my jailbreak .

Soooo Halloween is this weekend, what are you dressing up as? I have this pirate costume I never got to wear last year (damn that drill weekend) so I won’t have to spend money haha.
After thoughts: I’m sooo disappointed right now. Sigh

So I was browsing KarmaLoop.Com and I feel like I need this jacket in my wardrobe. It’s from Free People.

So if any of you want to buy it for me I’d love you forever! Haha. BTW it’s $168 >_<.

In other news…I thought going into this semester of school was going to be straight ass. I mean college is stressful as is but I thought it’d be way worse. But it’s really not. Plus I got to see a lot of people’s true colors the last few months and it truly makes me happy that I don’t really deal with them anymore.

Plus I’m doing well with my classes and I’m thinking when I come back from my deployment I will switch majors to either Criminal Justice or Psychology. Right now I’m premed but chemistry is kicking my ass. I’ve always been okay with math, not too bad but not that great either. So this shit right here nigga! Lol ain’t workin for Lita.

I can honestly say for the moment I’m pretty happy with things. For once I don’t really have much to complain about smh. Let’s see how long that lasts haha. Actually I have one slight thing…I HATE when musicians, whether its facebook, twitter, myspace (although I no longer have one) etc try to promote their music. Like that’s cool that your trying to make it. But you should find someone who gives a fuck. It’s quite annoying. Nine times out of ten they suck anyway. Like seriously!

Welp I guess this is a good place to end this entry. I want to get into the habit of asking one question at the end of my posts…so here goes. We’ll go with the age old question, Can a male have a female friend and they just be friends? Can a female have a male friend and they just be nothing but friends?